It all started when I lost my Pants

poetry, musing, short stories and generally the inner workings of the brain of a 30-something year old woman who is a little nutty, a little sane, a little loud and just a little shy.

Friday, February 22, 2008

To B or Not to B

When do you call a relationship a relationship? I was sent a little cartoon this morning. It made me both giggle and a little sad. Mostly because it is incredibly accurate.

This last year has been a weird, wild, and wonderful journey, interspersed with bouts of hair pulling and tears. I can't tell you how many times I came thisclose to giving up, amazing the perseverance and patience a person has when they are motivated.

So when is it a relationship? Is it when you kiss on a regular basis? Maybe. Perhaps it is when you want to spend your time with each other, miss the other person when they aren't with you. Perhaps. Maybe it is when you have your toothbrush and jammies stowed away at your partner's house. Could be. Is it when you plan your vacations together, stock up groceries, have keys and clean the kitchen? A little more likely.

Perhaps we are all in relationship of some sort or another, it is just a matter of your own definition. Maybe I am full of shit and blissful in my ignorance. Though I do tend to think that you can call a dog an elephant to yourself and everyone around you but it doesn't change the fact that it is still a dog. Same with relationships, you can call them whatever you like, or not call them anything at all, you can deny them, shout them from the rooftops, or tell yourself they don't exist, at the end of the day it is who is on your mind when you go to sleep and who you reach over to cuddle in the morning that is important.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

The return of the Prodigal Daughter

It has been simply forever since I have put thoughts on paper, er, screen as it were, here in this little corner of the cyberspace world.

Reading back on where I was at that point in life it is safe to say I have come a long way baby. Still full of questions, still saddened by far more than I care to be, still wondering about about my purpose, but at the same time, far happier than I have been in far too long.

I had the greatest of intentions to sit down and write about the things that are going on in life right now. To rejoice, lament, bitch, and gloat. Sometimes things don't go just as you envision them.

The past is past.

I thought that I should make mention of where life has gone in the time I have been gone. When it came time to get it all out, it just didn't feel like what I wanted to say. Sure, there has been some weird journeys, but the journeys, I feel, are necessary to be exactly where and who I am. And I like who I am right now. As frustrated, tearful, and sometimes bordering insane I feel some days, I wouldn't be anywhere else. Maybe it is that I am growing up, maybe it is that I have made the consious choice to focus on the good, maybe it is simply being in love. Whatever the case may be, I was far younger the last time I liked me this much, and who am I to question that?

I suppose, if I looked hard enough, I could find enough reason to be depressed. I can't stand my apartment, the rent is being increased, the new dull job still doesn't make quite enough to really cover absolutely everything, the kids are nearing leaving the nest, my family, we won't even get into that... but my kids are happy and healthy, I am happy and getting healthier all the time, with a little help (and the loss of 20 lbs), I am starting a new play, I am travelling down the most fantastic relational journey, I wake up in the morning looking forward to my day, and I have been a year massive anxiety free. Now that can't be all coincidence.

Sure, there are bad days here and there, and sure, there are days where tears are inevitable. I am positive there always will be. I am also positive they will pass.

So it would seem my first post after such a long hiatus has given about as much information as to what is happening in life as a bucket of mud. Though I have a feeling this could be the start of something far more revealing and interesting. Here's to the journey!

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